Us on the beach

The afternoon sand touches your feet
Giving way under the heel and toes till
Gently the high arch comes down upon it.
It stays firm then embraces the foot
As if this intimacy is its sole purpose.

It rubs your heels and papers away
The limpets of time and tiredness.
Gently upbraiding them
Till they are gone

These uncountable skeletons of tiny beings,
That once were the life of the seas.
Were brought to rest by the tide
And pounded by the waves
Until this coarse powder was all thats left.
Now its at your feet.

My gaze shines on your feet, ankles and shin.
Luxuriating, living in the moment,
We are here together
Sharing a small little forever

Now you sit in the sand
And fill your hands with it
Look at me and say
Take a photo
And start building a castle
With the beige, brown sand

I look for the right angle and moment
when there is no one else in the frame
To capture just you
You, My truth in this frame of lies
designed by my blind mind
To add to the deprivation of those who see it.

And I take another picture
Of your hands, just your hands
That ended in the slender fingers,
Cased with the rings I'd bought
For each time I was away
Somewhere else,
Gazing at a beautiful vista
Alone,
These lovely fingers
with these rings of guilt, of loneliness

I sit with the Sun behind me
So that i can catch the light on your face
But you are looking around
For more sand
without cigarette butts, straws and bottle caps,
And then you look up and smile,
Just a bit to show me
That you know what I'm thinking,

Your castle is all done
A sand castle
That's how it is
dreams built
With what others leave behind
Of their impermanent existences

And at night the sea will come
To remind these patted and shaped remainders
Of how things are.
Lest they forget the lesson of millenia.

No knuckles on the chest

They were making faces. From behind the glass doors she could see them laughing at her as she tried to find cover in the awning with her youngest on her hip. The weather in North Carolina was sure getting funny. Unseasonal rain. In this cold summer day it was the last thing they needed.

The people on the other side of the glass were families and groups of children would come to see them. Her. Flora and family. Her brood. A brood she gave birth too now that her partner Jack was dead. He died escaping. He managed to get just a little away till a guard shot him.

Flora was concerned that her youngest should not catch a cold. If she did, they would take Baby away from her. Just like they did with Amy. She never returned.

The rain grew slowly and ignoring the crowds indoors behind the glass wall, Flora kept Baby on her hip and sat down under the meager protection that a small overhead ledge offered against the rain. Chewing a blade of grass she looked out across her pen. Born and brought up in this pen that she inherited from her mother, Flora had become inured to human visits and inspection. The only time they took her out was when she was very young. They had taken her away from her mother to appear on a TV show for children. She was introduced as a silverback gorilla from central africa. She wondered what Africa would be like. She had never been there. Her mother like her grandmother had been born in captivity. They spoke rarely but it was clear that Flora had always been resigned to her fate of captivity and performance. Her only channel of education after her mother passed away was a small tv screen that she would catch reflection of sometimes.

She sat still for hours trying to make sense of what she saw in it. In it she saw A world where there were many like her.
Roaming free with many trees. So many that there was no end to it. Africa.

She had started watching these things just to avoid looking at the humans and the stupid faces some made looking at her. They also made sounds like macaws or stupid monkeys. Maybe the monkeys were teaching them their language.

But the more she watched the screen the more she  grew aware of her captive status. The more she was aware, the more she resented it. And didn't want to have such a life for her young.

But she learnt. The rain was getting heavy and most of her troop was getting very antsy. Gingerly moving about under whatever protection was available. The humans somehow found it funny and they started doing what they do in such
Situations. Laughing and looking at each other as if to see if the other is seeing the same thing or not. Some clapping. Children screeching with joy. Why don't they clap and laugh when humans run for shelter in the rain? Why should we be so funny? With these thoughts she rose and saw that the doors of their den had finally been opened and she took Baby and went inside. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

In the dark dank cave water had already found its way. But it was just a trickle. Yet.

A scream and then another and then many more. From the viewing gallery. fearing the worst Flora went out only hoping that the juveniles had not got into a serious fight. She came out slowly, cautiously. The mobile cameras that are in any case out and working in this enclosure were all pointed at a spot in the pen. Still she couldn't see what caused the commotion. Humans sure had small hands. If they were to make mobile phones for gorillas, they would be much bigger, like a tablet maybe. But the few that dropped in the pen scared her as she was not used to seeing her reflection.

Ah there it is. Immediately, Flora sensed that this could be deadly situation. A human baby had fallen in the pen. Her first thought was of Baby. She looked at the opening of the den. No one. But she knew what she had to do. She slowly went up to the infant and kept her distance. Back to it in fact. Looking out for the juveniles. The moment they came she gnarled at them so hard that they jumped scared. The eldest wasn't having any of it and  gnarled right back. This could get deadly any moment. Flora kept ignoring the infant and focused on getting the males inside the den.

She had to fight and growl and do all the things males do. Finally, she got them inside. There's nothing stronger than curiosity in a gorilla. And with such behaviour, Hector the dominant male didn't like it at all. Inside the den, he launched into the juveniles. They didn't know if he was angry for their curiosity to see the human child or anger that they listened to Flora and meekly walked in. Must have been the latter as he stepped up to go himself. Flora knew better than to come in his way. She did however yell a warning. Royally ignored. Nobody ignores you like a giant male silverback gorilla.

Two juveniles wanted to follow him but she stood in between. She could take them on easy. And she was saving lives. Theirs. The door of the den shut and all she could do inside was listen.

The roar of Hector.
The guns going off.
The humans screaming.
 The dying screams of Hector.
It was all over in a flash.
Silence.
Then a massive cheer.
The humans must have recovered the infant.

Flora sat quietly long after the doors were re-opened. Hector's body would not be there. There would be no knuckles of hers touching his chest in the final good bye. You live your life together and then leave like that. Maybe this was the human way.

She clutched Baby tight and just wanted no other human to fall in her pen.

Azaadi

The elusive password

(Long read)

Once in a while it happens to me.
I have been in a few hotels of late and this time in new city I want to get the internet and that too not on my mobile data plan. Because...Just.

The last hotel I was in did not have wifi services. But this one did and I was adamant that any late night mailing, chatting and meaningless video watching will be on the hotel wifi only.

After ordering a tea to perk me up after a very long day only to not get it delivered, I went out for my pre-parandial walk in the hotel parking lot. It also served as the gathering place for the patrons of the hotel's restaurant and a group of young women quite curiously looked at me as I went brisk walking in my slippers. There was a gym too but I wasn't that motivated. The group tittered and then laughed. One of them had cracked a joke I couldn't hear, but it wasn't difficult to get it.  An old guy with a gut trying to walk it off. Why didn't I lay off the rice then ? Or maybe something stronger, possibly more biting.

Nevertheless, I finished my walk and went to the reception. The clerk looked sharp for the time of the day. Must have just started the night shift. Literally everything was tight. The hair stretched back painfully in a bun, her shirt was stretched as much as my patience is these days.  Even her smile was a struggle between a grin and a purse. Must have practiced it. She had dimples. I gave the kid a break and smiled at her, and very politely asked for the wifi password.

Half expecting to be told that the password is your last name plus your room number or another such auto generated thing. But no. She stopped and looked frantically at her co-worker. Who was the brown equivalent of the dumb blonde. She shrugged a 'whatever' and returned her attention to the urgent demands of her whatsapp chat.
The clerk's initial panic was replaced by a deliberate calm. Training taking over. She didn't try and ask anyone so it meant that the seniors had gone home. After excusing herself she went into the back room and came back and purposefully lifted the lid of the scanner part of the printer. There lay a thin green envelope that lit her eyes. Her smile widened and she pulled out a chit. The chit fell on the reception desk. Under the card swipe machine. I immediately wanted her to give me another one. But restrained myself. Besides the guys were waiting for me to start dinner. I would have to go to the room, wash my face and keep stuff then come to the table in the 5 table restaurant. Rather ambitious if you ask me. It was a kitchen with a few tables attached. And two soft drink fridges dominated the room, displaying their contents brightly in this victory of commerce over aesthetics.

The restaurant is interesting. A full service was laid out. Full. Salad fork, soup spoon, butter knife what have you. I mean I looked it up while writing this so some items were missing in there but you get the point. And the glassware was exquisite. I would say wasted on almost all the people who came here. Even the cups in breakfast service were very nice. It's too bad the water poured in them was seldom hot. To come back to dinner, it was a specially prepared pre-plated thing.

A mound of rice the size of Mt. Kalsubai and two hard baked pieces of dough masquerading as rotis that could be easily be used as grinding discs. Some greenish brown veg glop and some heavily tomatoed lentil glop. But we were thankful we got something to eat and finished our meal joking about the fact that we almost never eat as many chillies as people think we like to. I had heartburn to consider. Just thinking about it gives me some. So I asked for some yoghurt. Thank God for yoghurt. Is it short for yoga hurt?

Dinner over, I came to my room. And went to pick up the wifi password slip. I had kept it with my room key and the rather large key tag. Lifted the key tag and something came off it and disappeared mid air. Loki. I knew it. The chit had already shown me it's colours at the reception desk. And I knew it. Had to do the procedure.

Carefully moved items one by one from the writing table to the bed. Shaking my diary. Nothing, moved my leather visiting card case without opening it. And my hankie, wallet and everything till the table was bare except the Bible on it. It would be a bit much even for a Norse God to hide a Muslim's password slip in the Catholics book. Plus he's not that subtle.

I couldn't just admit defeat. For him to establish his superiority over me I had to go through the logical search. So I lifted the table. Turned on my phone torch and peered behind it. Clean as a whistle. Except dust of course. Same thing under the wardrobe. And behind it. By now I was exceeding the boundaries of the flight of an unpowered unfolded piece of paper and getting irritated too. But I knew the answer. I would not find it. Now.

I remember the last time Loki took hold of my things. One pair of clothes actually. I had packed everything and come back from Delhi and at home my wife had said that a pair was missing. I mentally retraced everything that I did before leaving the house in Delhi. Had gone for a bath. Picked up clothes brought them and kept them on the suitcase. Changed and kept the clothes inside, packed, had breakfast and left. But  you may be doing battle with the Norse God of Mischief but your wife will be the one you heed. Called him up in Delhi and he said if its here it's ok. i will wear it. Of course it was there, otherwise why would he say something like that. I knew about Loki even then but wasn't sure he'd take an interest in my mundane life.

But password hiding games? That's a new low. Then what do gremlins and gnomes do these days?

Or about the time my full battery phone died at the airport just before I had to show the ticket to enter. Sheepishly had to come to one side and restart it. Thank God (Him, the God! not Norse mischief monger) it started and I got through.

After a proportionate search I settled in bed and after reading a few mails, set my phone aside and went to sleep. Loki won. I didn't get to surf the hotel wifi.

Why didn't I just get another one? Because that's not how its supposed to be played. You're it and you're the seeker. He's the hider. Other people would have gone and asked for another one and got it. But that's why Loki doesn't play with them.

The next day when I arrived at my base, I wondered where I would find it. For I would find it. That's part of the game.

True enough. Neatly tucked inside the card case between 3 cards was the password slip. I hadn't bothered reading the password when she had handed it over. It was I3O7.  Read it upside down. I tossed it into the bin and unpacked the rest of my things.

Patr

Monotype लघु लेख

शबनम  और शाहिद दोनों बहुत नाराज़ थे।  सकीना और अस्लम भी मुंह सुजाये बैठे थे. शबनम बोली "ये कैसे लेखक हैं? अपने पात्रों को इतना स्टीरियोटाइप कैसे करते रहते हैं? इन्हें कुछ पता भी है के नहीं? क्या किसी दुसरे ग्रुह से आये हैं?" शाहिद ने चुप कराने की नाकाम कोशिश की,  वो गुर्राती रही "अरे जैसे चाहो बना लो, जो चाहो करवा लो, फिर भी वही हकीम की बेटी, कसाई की बहु, बुनकर की बीवी और तलाक की मारी अबला ! और अब नकाब की मारी लड़की! हद्द है ! मुझसे तो अब न हो पायेगा... " शाहिद बोला "अरे हम क्या कर सकते हैं? मुझे तो अब मुल्ला या गुमराह टाइप का बेकार लफंगा बनते ही ज़िन्दगी निकलती नज़र आ रही है. कभी मन करता है की ऑफिस जाऊं, बड़ा बाबु बनूँ, पर लेखन पे लेखक के सिवा किसका ज़ोर चलता है? हम कुछ नहीं कर सकते! किस्मत में ढाक के तीन पात है तो है ! तू ज़्यादा परेशान होकर कुछ नहीं कर पायेगी".  शबनम बोली "अब कुछ करना ही पड़ेगा" शाहिद का हाथ पकड़ा और दोनों निकल कर सड़क पर आ गए, वहां से बस में बैठ कर आये और मेरे दरवाज़े की घंटी ज़ोर ज़ोर से बजाने लगे।  मैं अपने कुछ पात्रों में व्यस्त था तो दरवाज़ा थोड़ी देर से खोला, जैसे खोला दनदनाती हुई अंदर आ गयी शबनम। जान न पहचान में तेरा मेहमान वाली सिचुएशन बहुत दिन बाद हुई थी मेरे साथ. मैंने कहा कौन हो तुम लोग और इतनी रात गए यहाँ क्यों आये हो?

उनके लेखक से उनकी नाराज़गी , मुझसे नए व्यक्तित्व की गुहार और एक मेकओवर की डायरेक्ट रिक्वेस्ट. मैं सुन कम रहा था देख ज़्यादा रहा था।  देखा पुराने कपडे न अह्म छुपा पा रहे थे न अंग. शाहिद ने मुझे शबनम को देखते हुए देख लिया और आंखें मीच के मुझे देखा।  मुझे लगा इनके बीच में कुछ है। फिर सोचा हो तो हो, ... अपने दुसरे पत्रों को एक एक कर विदा किया , सब चले गए लेकिन मिस्सेस डीकोस्टा को निपटाने में कुछ वादे करने पड़े । आगे जाकर उनकी कीमत अदा करनी पड़ेगी।

मैं अपनी मेज़ पैर लौटा और लिखने लगा।  शबनम को अंग्रेजी बोलने वाली, पीएचडी करने वाली लड़की के रूप में कहानी में एंट्री दी. शाहिद को आर्किटेक्ट बनाया। दोनों को फोर सीसन्स के एयर लाउन्ज में पहली बार मिलवाया। गोवा घुमाया। शाहिद को पोलो खिलाया और शादी करवाने से पहले मेरे संपादक की नज़र इनकी अधूरी कहानी पर पड़  गयी।  "क्या बकवास लिख रहे हो क़तील" उसने कहा, "घेट्टो नेम्स डोंट डांस इन द बॉलरूम। यू नो दैट" मेरा मन कहा की कहानी लिख कर अपने पास रख लूँ , पर ऐसा करने पर पात्र मर जाते हैं।  उनके नाम काट कर दीपिका और रणबीर कर दिया। 

शबनम आज बाजार में सब्ज़ी बेचती है और शाहिद मोबाइल रेपियर करता है।  उनकी ये वाली कहानी सुपरहिट हो गई . अब वो मुझसे कभी नहीं कहते की मेकओवर चाहिए. पर कभी कभी बाजार से लौटते वक़्त शबनम वाल्ट्स के एक दो स्टेप कर लेती है.

Pets left behind

You think they will evolve one day? Dess asked? Go laughed " they're meant to be pets! Next, You will expect them to speak! Making them aware of their nakedness and clothing them is all fine for playacting but these are animals. They will never be civilised."

Dess sighed and kept putting on the new outfit she got for Eve. Eve was frisky and not very cooperative. Moving about quite a bit, but not getting away totally. Dess remembered the day she had got Eve from the shelter. Thin and frail. With big saucerlike eyes.  Now that she had filled out, her eyes seemed not as big. Still her neck was turning back to the window. Actually it was a glass wall. The whole house was built of glass. Dess knew what Eve was thinking of. She smiled. Eve was fertile, very fertile. She had boundless sexual energy.

Like many Eve had taken to wearing clothes after some adjustment, but Dess  was sad that the rest of pets went around without any clothes on. Just a leash. Nobody else minded, thats how things are. Dess had to keep reminding herself that these were not her children but animals and an entirely different race. Intelligence of a 5 year old but their emotional intelligence was far higher. Sometimes Dess felt that Eve was the one who loved her the most. Her rudimentary efforts at communicating were yapping around while jumping all over Dess. She loved it.

But it was time for Eves walk. Dess put the mask on her own face. Slender face on a slender frame. this pollution is getting too much. Though it didnt affect Eve or any other animal. But all the people had to now wear a mask to go out. The earth's environment was changing too rapidly. With all the technology, the worlds leaders could do nothing. Most didn't even seem to get the seriousness of the threat.

Eve on the other hand was immediately energised when out. She strained at the leash till finally tired of holding back. She pranced around the garden and then went inside the secret place. Once inside Dess knew she wouldnt come out anytime soon. What is the blazes was she upto there? Dess knew all too well didnt she?

Once she had crawled inside and shone a light in the dark stinky place. But in the beam she saw Eve with another animal. In the light they froze. And Dess felt like she was intruding. Besides, with animals who knew what they would do if interrupted like this. Dess retreated and after that day never followed Eve inside.

Despite her mask Dess felt tired today. Suddenly she was dizzy. 'Mr. Go' she shouted but immediately fell...the next thing she knew she was laying in a room had a gas mask on and health workers were looking at her. They hadn't seen that she was conscious and she pretended to still be out.

"It's getting bad. Across the world.  We are running  short of the masks and in any case they cannot handle the load, the pollution is too much." Dr. Ravi was saying. Mr. Go had his hand on Dess forehead but his eyes were closed. He was trying to channel his Oneness, Dess knew.

Dess's thoughts suddenly went to Eve and she panicked what will happen if she comes out and finds her not there. She will panic. She cannot fend for herself. Dess calculated that she would have to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks. "Eve?" She asked Go. Just getting the word out tired her more. But she struggled to not sleep before hearing Go's reply. " With Maia. It's the best i could do in the short time. Don't worry she will be there when you return."

Dess worried. Maia is a pet fiend. She is extra nice to other people's pets and she would do her best to get Eve to like her. And Eve had already spent time with her and liked her. But she knew Eve would not love anyone like she loved her. Maybe Go. But no one else.

Things happened very quickly after that.

Dess was now old but she remembered how they had all decided that they had used up all the sustenance the planet had to offer. A new planet was found. It could sustain them. It was in the same solar system in another dimension. So far they could only communicate with the teams that had found it. But could not bring them back. The second team had confirmed that it could easily sustain life and the captain had insisted they should all leave immediately.

The leadership dithered till they finally decided when the President's wife died due to pollution. Some decisions need sacrifice.

D Day arrived and one by one thousands of giant spaceships were leaving the earth. With each ship the news was getting better. The air is as clean. Initially their bodies after decades of pollution went into some kind of shock but they adjusted quickly. and Dess was excited but her happiness at finding a new home was tarred by the Stipulation. They could not take their pets. All pets had to be left on earth.

Some who tried smuggling pets with them were caught and incarcerated. As a result the interplanetary immigration officers became stricter. All passengers were subject to a biowash to prevent contaminating the new planet.

Dess knew Eve would have to stay behind. She thought that she could help make it easy for Eve as much as possible, so she left enough food, pictures in that cave of hers, because she felt that as soon as she left Eve would be in that cave. Some kind of wild genetic coding.

It's been years since she left. And while it was all as clear as yesterday, Dess wished she could see Eve again. But she was probably dead by now. Pets had approx 20 percent of the lifetime as people. Except the turtles. She missed the animals. The pets. Earth had become inhospitable but had plenty of animals. Here it was beautiful and healthy but monotonous.

But sometimes when lying down before she fell asleep. She would imagine Eve running towards her.

Golden hair, bounding on her two legs, her forearms all synchronised with her legs. As beautiful as a horse in full gallop. Golden hairless skin and flat stomach. Small nose, red lips, big eyes, she had breasts too later on and when she ran they jiggled. It was funny and awkward at the same time.

Sometimes behind her the animal from the cave was also there. Same body but thicker, hairier and with a funny mane around his face. Most of the time he would be playing or scratching his private parts. Like a giant ape but not as strong.

On Otherearth, Dess often stared into the night sky, wondering what happened to Earth and its beautiful creatures. But had global warming not increased nitrogen by so much and reduced carbon dioxide by so much, they would still be there.

With a sigh she would turn to her side and fall asleep. Life!

Quateel Ahmad
2 Feb
2019

YOGI THE FISH

It wasn't all roses for Yogi. But he didn't know it was worse for the others. Others  that didn't live in the deep waters of the Poorna Lake. High in the Himalayas, the Mahseer abound. But most of the fish in Poorna die of old age. nothing else.

The few locals who live here are seasoned fishermen. They fish only as much as they need. And for that there was plenty of fish. Mahseer, silver carp, trout and many more kinds. in large numbers.

Yogi's youth was energetic and he swam merrily among rocks and learnt how to hide in the shallows and dive in the deeps of his lake.  He ans the rest of his brood looked up to Chandu and Chandni, two of the biggest fish he had seen in his life. Yogi fantasised that they were his grandparents but who can tell these things... Parents is easy to know. they are the folk who keep swimming close to you without trying to eat you...
Life was all good and the water cool.

Till one day men came. In large numbers  not like the village fishermen. These were lighter coloured creatures and the fishing rod was very different from the bamboo ones Yogi used to see.  Soon enough there were insects of various types floating just below the surface. Not like local critters these were and Yogi danced around a few curiously. He saw Chandu swimming alongside and he seemed absolutely mesmerised. His eyes glassed over and he seemed like in some trance. 'Careful, that might be bait!' shouted Yogi. but it was too late. Chandu with twinkle in his eye bit it and said 'so what? If it is, I will snap the line! And then he swam powerfully away bait in mouth. Till he almost reached  his den. Then the line tightened. Chandu tensed. This was new. No village rod had that long a line.
The line started pulling Chandu back towards the shore. After a while, Chandu went to his classic move. Instead of pulling against the line he swam towards the shore faster than the man could reel and then reversed and jumped in the air before pulling away. But instead of snapping the line held firm. The eagles over head almost got him when he jumped and he realised how stupid he was to so that this early in the day. Yogi was watching all this mesmerised. Waiting for the line to break as it always did. Chandu had swam quite far away this time but the line went taut again and the reeling in began. This continued for quite some time and Yogi popped his head out to see who it was. The pale men were all standing around one fellow who had the rod and was furiously reeling it in. No spring chicken the man had a huge belly and was wearing black eyes. Chandu was furious. More at his inability to break the line than at his stupidity of taking the bait. Chandni always teased him with his penchant for shiny things. The battle raged. And Yogi watched fascinated. Chandu took the line ad zigzagged between the rocks hoping to snag it and get it stuck so that it breaks. But the line came out smoothly from the crevasses.
By now the panicked chandNi got into the act and did the only thing she knew. She went after the line. Bit hard on it. And nothing. Absolutely nothing.
 Bruised she let go. Haplessly watching the huge Chandu lose his strength. It was soon clear that it was just a matter of time before Chandu would be reeled in and made into dinner. Chandu managed a grin when he looked at Chandni his  eyes showed his fatigue yet he smiled crookedly because of the hook. And said. ' see ya on the other side my love.' and he let go. For a while the line didn't move. And he got another wind but the fight had gone out of him. He just wanted there. And just like that he was gone. The line was reeling him in speed.
And then he was out of the water. All the fish just watched. As his body left the Lake and was gone.

Yogi decided he would follow as much as he could. So from under the shade of a shrub overhang he watched as the men pulled Chandu out of the water. Cut the hook and stood around a group.theyball seemed to be looking at the man with a camera. Then they took turns to hold him and finally Big Belly got him back to hold. No one looked like they were in a hurry for a good meal. Big Belly caressed him. And the very dehydrated Chandu looked up. 'what's going on? This is not right' he was thinking.  Yogi instinctively knew what was going to happen. And the second thing he knew was he couldn't stop it from happening. Big  Belly magnanimously returned Chandu to the water. It was too shallow. For far too long. Yogi could only look on as a somewhat dazed Chandu swam for his life. Towards his den. Towards Chandni. But in one fell swoop, two eagles picked him out of the water with pincer claws and flew away from each other, literally tearing him in two. Some bits fell into the water too. And Yogi finished his soundless scream.

Chandni had turned to lead and lay at the bottom like a rock. Her shock was not to go away for long.

Young Yogi went to his mother and asked "why?"

"Why do people hunt us when they do not even want to eat us? They are not hungry. So why hunt? "

His mother looked at her son. She knew he would grow to be as big as Chandu if jot bigger but suddenly didnt feel like he would grow that old. She replied, "Because they can".